worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
