Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
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Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
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So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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