i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
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