It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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