when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
