It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
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she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
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He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW