OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS