i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.