I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.