Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize