peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize