Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
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OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
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how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
All I want is dick and wine.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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