I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize