I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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