So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
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you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
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Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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