i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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