Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I currently don't understand fingers.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
