just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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