Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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