i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
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he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
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we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
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