U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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