yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
