Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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