i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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