Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm jealous of your bromance
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life