the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
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beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
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His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE