you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.