And the cops told us we were all naked.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.