Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock