Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
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did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
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Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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