He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
whose parrot is this?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
