you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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