the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
ttyl tear gas
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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