what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
