I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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