Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You were trust falling into bushes
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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