The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just google imaged poop.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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