I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
