very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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