The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.