I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important