She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Boobs are out for the taking
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.