Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.