My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
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We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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