I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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