I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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