You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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