I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
