well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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