I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
