i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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