pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
