i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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