I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
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Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.