His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner