i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers