would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is