a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize