If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
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The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
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I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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