don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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