cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
it hurts more in the daytime
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Come on in and take your pants off
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