I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
