Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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