It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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