your room smells of hookers.
And success
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
