Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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